The Pessimist's Airport ABCs...with Input from the One Incurable Optimist

R -- is for "ready for take off". Four of the most beautiful words, that are not spoken nearly enough.
S -- is for safety first, security team, and strip search. But, the optimist says, TSA did let the 90 year old gentleman behind me leave his shoes on. But the real question is: Could he keep his belt on to keep his pants up and keep from face planting on the cold airport floor in front of cold airport stares?
T -- is for time. How many hours of my life have been spent in a terminal? (Hey, another T!)
U -- is for urgent. Go ahead, walk like a sloth in winter. Nothing is ever urgent in the airport.
V -- is for victim. Every passenger is a victim to the whims of weather and whoever "they" is who cancels flights.