1. Obvious bleeding, without a dressing of any kind. One of the basic rules of first aid is if it bleeds -- put pressure on it. This especially applies if you have amputated a body part. Not only do we not want you to bleed to death, but it makes other patients nervous to see dried pools of the blood on the floor.
2. Trying marijuana (or alcohol) prior to seeking medical attention for a traumatic injury. Then not only are you high or drunk while trying to describe what happened -- but if you delay too long, we can't repair that terrible leg laceration you got defending your cat from a werewolf.
3. Not even looking at the injury prior to arrival. We know, lots of people are squeamish -- and that's fine -- but find someone who isn't to look at your cut and at least see if it bled. We are more than happy to do this for you...but we charge a lot more.
Medical professionals may find it humorous when they have to unwind a half-mild of gauze or remove a makeshift tourniquet placed to keep someone from bleeding to death from...a paper cut, but that is still preferred to first aid underkill.
Examples of first aid underkill to be revealed next week...
It may look cool on TV, but please do not pit an avocado by stabbing the pit with a knife (unless you aren't that keen on continuing to have normal sensation and function in your hand). Instead here are five alternatives:
1. Pop the pit out from behind with your thumbs.
2. Scoop out the pit with a spoon.
3. Cut the avocado into smaller and smaller slices until you can easily remove the pit with your fingers.
4. Peel the avocado and smash it with a fork until the pit come free.
5. Avoid eating avocados.
I admit the last one may be a bit extreme...but I am rather partial to moving and feeling all my fingers.
U is for Unicorns *** (If everyone in the ED is coming to see you because they have never seen anything like that -- you are a unicorn and this is bad.)
V is for Vitamins (# to well-researched and safe vitamins, ** fringe supplements as these are not well-regulated)
W is for (a healthy) Weight ##
X is for Excitement (## outside the ED and **** in the ED!)
Y is for Yak **** (Please leave all wild and domesticated animals at home.)
Z is for Zeal for What is Good ####
Same author with some fun, quirky thoughts to make you smile!